Getting Answers
by Ecri
Summary: Sam has a lot to deal with, and Josh tries to make it easier.
1. Disclaimer

I do not own these characters or situations. I am only borrowing them for a little while. I made no money from this story and wrote it purely for entertainment purposes.

Okay, you can go and read it now. 

Thanks!


	2. Default Chapter

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Getting Answers

Category: Episode Related, Gone Quiet

Rating: PG

Summary: Sam has a lot to deal with, and Josh tries to make it easier.

Spoliers: Potentially, everything up to Gone Quiet

Warnings: none

Sam sighed as he–finally!–sat at his desk. He was bone weary, but he was getting used to that. He rubbed tiredly at his eyes feeling a vague tickle of something familiar beginning behind them, but willing it away. 

Soft money. They were talking soft money. They weren't supposed to talk about that. It wasn't supposed to be an option. He felt the rage inside him growing at the thought. He was glad–relieved, actually–that they'd gone with an issue ad, and he was glad Toby had said something when he had, because if Bruno or Connie had said another word about "magic words", Sam was sure he was going to haul off and hit

"Sam?"

Sam sighed again, opened his eyes and pasted a welcoming smile on his face. "Toby? Did you need something?"

Toby hesitated, not sure how to start. He'd seen Sam as close to yelling at Connie and Bruno as he had ever seen him. Barring the press-witnessed tossing out of the President's speech on Air Force One, Sam had pretty much kept his temper around them. "SoTawny wants Oakenwood in exchange for the NEA."

"Yeah?" Sam considered. "We're gonna do it?"

Toby nodded. 

"Okay." He sounded defeated even to his own ears.

"Samare you okay?"

Sam smiled, but the smile never touched his eyes. "I'm tired, Toby."

The admission surprised Toby almost as much as Sam's earlier anger at Bruno at Connie had. He'd been aware that Sam was becoming more and more disillusioned, but he really wasn't sure what to do about it. He searched his deputy's face for signs of stress or illness. "You're not"

  
Sam cut him off, an edge of irritation in his voice. "I'm tired."

Toby nodded. "Okay. Why don't you go home? It's been a long day."

Sam shook his head. "No, Toby, I gotta work."

"On what?" Toby knew that Sam had finished all of the speeches. Nothing new was coming up.

Just then Josh and CJ walked in. "The President's answer."

"What?" Toby stared at Josh and CJ.

"To the question–_the_ question, Toby!"

Toby glanced at CJ, as she came in and sat in one of Sam's chairs. "No more dancing?"

"Hah, the President killed my joy by not having an answer."

"To the question." Toby nodded, rubbing a hand across his forehead.

"_The_ question, Toby. Don't you listen?" Josh handed Sam the legal pad that Donna had been using. "Here's what we came up with."

Sam read it, then threw it into the trash.

"Yeah, that's what we thought." Josh sat across from Sam. "Why don't we have an answer to this?"

"Because we don't." Sam snapped at his friend in frustration. "Do you mind if I write it now?"

Josh looked at CJ, who shrugged. She eyed Sam, uncomfortably reminded of his tone of voice when he'd been shouted down about postponing the President's MS announcement. 

After several moments of thought, Sam began typing. He continued typing, uninterrupted for several minutes. Josh was bursting at the seams to know how it was going. He opened his mouth to ask, but CJ slapped him. He glared at her and opened his mouth again only to have Toby slap him on the other arm. "Hey"

Sam kept typing as though they weren't there. In a moment he finished, scrolled to the top of the document and read it through. While CJ and Toby kept Josh quiet, Sam read, reread, corrected, rewrote, and finally turned the laptop around so Toby, Sam, and CJ could read it.

Toby nodded. "This is good."

Josh's mouth fell open. "Yeah, what he said."

CJ grinned, and began to move back and forth in her chair to a rhythm in her head. "I'm too sexy for this room. Too sexy for a broom. Too sexy for my car, too sexy where we are"

She stood and began to move back and forth across the room. Grabbing Toby by the arm she continued to dance, seeming not to notice that he wasn't. She looked at Toby, still grinning. "You're too sexy for you hair. That's why it isn't there"

Unable to hold it back, Josh let loose a loud, long peal of laughter.

Toby tried in vain to still CJ's maniacally moving body. "Come on, twinkle toes." He herded her out of Sam's office. "Sam, print that and give it to the President."

Sam nodded as he and Josh watched Toby and CJ move down the hall. CJ's voice drifted back to them. "I'm too sexy for that chair, too sexy to be there, too sexy not to care"

Josh laughed and turned to face Sam. "That was good, Sam. Great work. CJ and I couldn't get it."

Sam nodded, and Josh realized he hadn't had a lot to say since he and CJ had barged into his office. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Fine."

"You sure? You wanna talk?"

Sam considered. "No. Istill have work to do."

"You need a break, Sam. Come on."

Sam laughed a short, sarcastic laugh, sending a chill up Josh's spine. He'd known Sam for a decade, and never had he heard him make a sound so devoid of hope. So full of bitterness. "I need a break? We all need a break."

Josh pulled his chair closer to Sam. "Buddy, you wanna go somewhere?"

Sam shook his head. "I have nowhere to go." His voice was soft and solemn and was so much more of an answer to Josh's question than the older man wanted to hear.

Josh felt his heart skip a beat. That kind of thing was hard to miss, and he had been very tuned to it since the shooting. "Sam," Josh stared at his friend until the silence made Sam look at him. "Whatever it is, I can help."

"Noyou can't. This is what they call waking up to reality. Nothing is as I thought it was. And you know what? That's life. That's the way it goes. That's" He trailed off, and Josh wasn't sure if it was because he couldn't think of another cliché, or because he'd grown tired of talking.

"The way the cookie crumbles?" Josh supplied helpfully.

Sam laughed, and, for a moment, Josh thought he heard the old Sam, but it only lasted a moment. "I have to start to expect to be let down. Then it won't hurt so much when I really am."

"Noyou can't do that."

"Why?"

Josh sighed, sitting back in the chair. "Sam, it's your nature to see things as they should be. If you start seeing things the way I see them, the way Toby sees them, you won't be able to tell us when we aren't living up to the standards we all set when we started the Bartlet for America campaign."

Sam snorted. "What good is that? No one listens to me. No one cares what I have to say. No one gives a flying"

"Sam, we need you. I need you. You have a lot to offer this administration. I'm sorry if we get so wrapped up in things that we forget that. From now on, if you think we're ignoring you, come and tell me. Cause it's not our intention"

"That's worse, don't you think?"

"What?"

"If you're cutting me out without realizing itif you're keeping me out of the loop because subconsciously you think I can't handle"

"No."

"I mean, if you all think somehow that I'm incompetent"

"Stop it! Sam, I can't stand this! You know I think you're brilliant. I told you as much the day we met! I never would have come to New York to get you if I thought you weren't the best there was!" 

Josh took a deep breath and stared at Sam. His best friend seemed to have lost his confidence. He stood there actually believing that the entire Senior Staff thought he was incompetent. "Sam, I don't know what to say. I am sorry if anything I've said or done made you think less of yourself, or made you think that I think less of you. The truth is" He paused until Sam looked him in the eye. "I was devastated by the President's news, and I couldn't handle having done that to you. Let me finish." Josh demanded as he sensed Sam's desire to say something. "I got you into this. Me and my poker face. Sam, I knew you'd had a tough year, and I couldn't stand seeing the look in your eyeswell, the look that's been there lately. It looks like you're losing some sort of internal battle. It looks like you're losing little pieces of yourself everyday, and I can't stand that. Whatever it is you're feeling, don't let it win. It's an abyss, and if you fall inI forget the rest."

"If you stare too long into the abyss, the abyss also stares into you."

Josh smiled. Of course Sam would know precisely the--quote?cliché?–he'd been thinking of. "Yeah."

Sam smiled a real smile. "Okay, Josh."

"Okay what?"

"Okay. From now on I'll tell you when you're being a jerk." Sam stood, grabbing his briefcase and coat.

Josh blinked as he stood, going over their conversation in his head. "I don't think that's what I said."

"No, but it is what you meant."

"It is?"

"Yeah, and I'll do it, but you might regret it once I get started."  


"Nah! Never happen."

"Why?"

Josh threw an arm around Sam's shoulder. "CauseI'm too sexy for regret. Too sexy for"

"Josh"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

"Yeah."


End file.
